A ROCK A Pillow

A Rock A Pillow

Sometimes I wish I were a pillow
For then I could just stay in bed
I wouldn't have a worry
Not a thing to stress my head
I could lie there and be snuggled
And even be a shoulder to cry on
I'd be there on your return
To welcome you when you've been gone.

If only I were a pillow
I could fluff away this frown
Sometimes my mind is half way there
As my head feels full of down.

If only I were a pillow
I could be part of your dreams
I don't mean that in a creepy way
It's really not as strange as it seems
To share with you those wishes
Made at night on a shooting star
Or be a trusted companion
On journey's to places a far

If only I were a pillow
For then I could stay in bed
I'd be there to catch you
When you rest your weary head.

(C) spor

Hidden truth

A cluster bomb goes of in my head
As my body starts to seize
And twitch
Moving on its on impulse
Triggered by the shock waves
In the aftermath
I find my scattered limbs
Bruised and broken
Nerve endings
Twisted like a violin string
Ready to snap
There is an emptiness where my face should be
And behind it
An empty void
There is nothing there that will process
thought for me.
My functions now are routine
Simple tasks
To step out side the boundary
Would lead to certain self destruction.
At least with in the boundaries
The explosion can be contained
Managed
I have my own bomb disposal box
Full of tools
To prevent my complete and total iniallation
Apparently
To look at me you wouldn't know    
I practice hiding pain
Not for me
But you
For your comfort and piece of mind
I am only one         
Of hundreds of thousands
Disabled on the inside       
Invisibly 
With pain where bones should be    
My days shorter than they should
As sleep takes more and more time
And tomorrow's plans may never be   
Or may always be
Tomorrow's plans.

Recycled Soul

So here I am again
Back where I was
Where I started
With a numbing deja vu
My soul recycled
Reborn from old to young
And over again
Each time different
But the same
So here I am again
Back where I started.



( C ) spor

Thanks to Siobhan

Machine

In the fuzzy
Foggy
Daydream that is my daily life
I constantly get lost
Lost in thought
In space
In time 

I suppose I am like an old computer
Running slower with age
Taking longer and longer to process thought.
My memory bank corrupted
I slowly self delete
Not in any particular order     
Often I try to recall a moment or event
Or word
And it is no longer there.             
  it happened but the log has be altered
We are all machines
Some one once said
We live to serve our needs
We are salves to ourselves
Yet we do not feel like the masters        
Always burden
Controlled
Pushed by someone else
By something else.
Greed
Lust
A need to be better
Better than the false perception we have of ourselves
In this tiny world.                        

We are a leaf
In a forest   
We serve a function for a greater cause
Eventually we all wilt               
And go to the ground    
When our life expires.    
Or some other cosmic statement          
Which you would prefer to insert.     
While I try to find the door
I opened to get here.
One of those times
Where I am
Lost in Space    
As I child I remember watching that
Re runs off course
I'm not that old
Sunday afternoons I think     
One memory not yet deleted
Loved that show
Tiny people
In a gaint world
Who knew I would be the staring role
In my own version.
Fighting against a contradiction
For the more I grow
The bigger the world seems to be
Yet all the chocolate bars are smaller
Answers I need
Not so easy when I don't know the questions yet
But I know there will be more than one
And maybe the answer will be the same
Or none.
The door opens and I walk through
Leaving that thought and jumping to the next
Then another and another
Like stepping stones through the endless world that 

I have created in my mind
Where everything is possible
Everything can be real
Yet nothing is.
Hop
Skip
And jump
Back to life
To reality
To existence
To share the world
The air we breathe
Until we no longer can
Our machines no longer function
And stop                                               
We can be carried no further
This is where it ends          
This time.

( C ) spor 

Don't pay the ferryman

600 of us,

In a tiny boat,

Pushed through the waves,

We were set a float.

We fled our homes,

Left all that we had,

Gathering every penny,

Every piece of jewellery, 

And item of value.

With it we bought Hope,

We paid the boatman the fare, 

The price of passage high,

Too high,

Hope comes at a premium,

These days.

600 of us,

In a tiny boat,

Taken far out to sea,

And set a float.

The water it is heavy,

As it pulls at my legs,

And puts hands round my throat,

Choking,

Squeezing out every last bit of hope,

Until I have nothing.

600 of us,

In a tiny boat,

Our vessels filled with water,

And we no longer float.

(C)   spor

Hope

I have lost all hope.

If you could spare some loose change,

I could buy some more.



(C)     spor

Dead Time

I am just one,
One of the many,
Nameless,
Faceless,
Dead,
I lived in fear for my life,
I was murdered in my bed.



(C)   spor

Need

I do not want your job,
Your house.
Your wife.

I do not want your benefits,
Your charity,
Your food.

I do not want to leave my home,
My family,
My friends.

I do not want to die.




(C)   spor

Interruption

So here's the thing.
Where? 

Where's the thing?
Stop. 

So here's the thing.
I don't see a thing!
Listen
I don't hear a thing. What does a thing sound like?
Ssush
No, no still don't hear it!
I'm listening very careful but don't hear it!
Can yo..?
Ssush  

Wait there it is!

Ah that was you! 

Be quiet. I'm listening.
Ok, look the thing is tha..
Where?

Where is it it?
What?
The thing! You said " look the thing is" 

Well where is it? 

Ehh. ..here in my hand! 

Come closer...

Closer..
Close
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  That bloody hurt
Good. Thats one thing! 

The other thing is....
I'm not interested in the other thing anymore

I'm away!
Thank you. That's all I wanted!
Just because I drive a Skoda doesn't mean im a taxi.

Red

It's in the trees
It's coming
I hear the rustling of the leaves
The crack of branches breaking
My chest begins to heave.
I turn on point to run
To find a safe retreat
But I fall down to the ground
As my brain fails to engage feet.
I am pinned to the floor
By panic
I know it's getting near
I've heard stories as a child
Tales of horror, screams of fear
I scramble to a fallen tree
And curl up in a ball
Then all the wood goes silent
From the hush a blood thirsty call.
One last gasp of air
"Please God don't let me die!"
The I silently exhale
I think it has passed me by.
With a sigh of relief I stand                  
And look towards the way home
On my shoulder I feel a hand
Cold and sweating Skin and bone
My heart jumps to my mouth
I know this is the end
Quickly I turn to face it                          
Hands up ready to defend
I should've listened to those stories
For on me the monster fed
Leaving nothing but my cape
Stained with blood now scarlet red.

(C)  spor

One shovel at a time.

Sitting 
Here
Recently a lot
Thoughts running riot
While emotions dig deep
One shovel at a time
Hoping that someone
Something
Will cover them over

Distracted by the bizarre imagery
I conjure
Love and Hate
Knee deep in wet clay                
At the bottom of a six foot hole.

I get lost
I look for help   
I look
Silently
Slowly
Hiding in the surreal
A moment     

I reach down a hand
A helping hand
Refused
My Love
My Hate      
Would rather be buried
Than come back to me
What does that say?
Mean?

I fall to my knees
And bury my head     
In the
Cold
Wet    
Extracted mountain of me
Piled high like a burial mount
The parts of me  
Removed
Shovel by shovel
As those emotion dug deep.

I panic
Gasping for air
Suffocating
Suffocated
Smothered
My screams for help
Muffled
Silenced
By me
My body falls
Limp
As my imagined world
Fades
To black.

Sitting  here
Recently a lot
Thoughts running riot
While emotions dig deep
One shovel at a time
Sitting 
Here
Just sitting 
Hoping
Waiting
Waiting for something
Someone
Waiting by my grave side
For someone to save me

Waiting for Me!

©   spor

Lost and Found.

My inner sun is overcast
There's a big black cloud over head
It came when I woke up this morning
Followed me straight out of bed.          
It tries to sneak up behind me
It thinks I want to play a games
I shhuh it away in anger
Give abuse and call it names.

Then for a moment,
Before me a Sun beam.
A perfect ray of golden peace
Hand out stretched
I try to grasp it
But it moves just out off reach    

Heart fills with all kinds of saddness
As slowly it dissapears        
Black cloud over head is looming
This time it also brings tears.              
My knees buckle under the pressure
My face being pushed to the ground
Like an X that marks out the treasure
I am tagged for the lost and found.




(C)  spor

What I need

What I need

I need some help deciding
As I'm not really sure what I need
I have this void
This emptiness
A hole that needs to be plugged
The part that was there
Is now missing
I lost it when it broke in two

Since then I feel I've been leaking
My inner self pouring out into view
I slowly struggle to pull myself together
To try and put things back
As they were
An exercise I know is pointless    
But I know not what else to do.

I need some help with deciding
The best course of action to take from here
Do I need experts to patch up the damage
In a more permanent way than mine
Do just let my insides keep pouring
Until I know not who I am       
Patch the whole with steel and iron
And over time fill myself up again.
Do I start a search of epic adventure
To find a plug like the one which I lost
Or do I go as I am and keep hiding
How I feel
Who I am
What I've lost.

I need some help with deciding
I don't know which direct to turn
All roads look just like this last one
Which at first seemed to be the best to take.                         
Until out of no where a dead end
And to late to do a u turn
I ve put the energy in to then building
A new road not really a bypass
But this new road has come to a cross roads
And it's not one of my construct
I need some help with deciding
And a lift and a push
Cause I'm stuck.

In your hands.

Let me take you away,                To a world, Of great imaginings     Where, Devilishly       Dangerous       Dragons    Disastrously        Devour.                                         Join                  Magical            Merlin               Making    Marvellous    Monumental        Moments.     Hear                               Tall       Trees        Talk          To          Tiny        Tolkien          Tooks,       Smile as      Curious      George    Graciously    Greets   Gentle  Giraffes    Laugh with    Poo and  Piglet    Playing    Plundering     Pirates  And maybe, Just maybe, Cry. When the life of Dobby The      Enigmatic     Energetic   Elf   Emotionally Ends.    Let me take you away To a world of great imaginings, Cradle me in your hands  And together, We will Dream. © spor Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

Soft Under Foot

If I were a carpet,
I'd want to be plain,
The thought of a pattern
Would drive me insane.

A nice crisp cream
Or maybe a red
I'd lie under your feet
Hear all that is said.

If I were a carpet,
I'd want to be yours
Your feet smell the nicest
No cheesy odours!



(C) spor

The Waiting Room

Sitting on uncomfortable seats
Straining neck to watch red lights
Dance across the black box
Hanging from the wall.

I await my name in lights
Don't we all.

I look around the blank
Beige room
Filled with blank
Beige faces.

All stare forward
As if trying to avoid eye contact
With death
Who is seated
Quietly in the corner
Playing soduko
Killing time
While he waits for time to kill one of us.

I think of Cluedo
As again
I scan the beige room
Trying to work out
Who will it be
And what will be the cause.
I don't think it will be anything as dramatic
As candle sticks holders
In the library.
But I guess you never know.

I'm still sitting here
Waiting for my name to shine bright
for all to see.

(C) spor

Glass

I am but a glass,
Invisibly I protect,
You all look through me.

©spor

Secret love

Deep in the forest ,
 A secret love,
On the floor,
Our limbs embraced,
Tangled and intertwined,
For a moment as one.
 Until,
There,
Where the reaching rays of the sun,
Warm our naked limbs,
Exposed to the world,
We part.



 ©spor

Droplets of me.

I write

Just as it comes to me,
And oft,

I do not try
Which is too oft,

Plain to see.

But sometimes,

Guided by a mystical power,
These words,

They group 

For me to share,
These, 

 beautifully 

  bountiful 

Words, 

I pluck from the air.

When they come this way,
I rearrange on page,

They are, 

No longer words,
But emotional souls,

They live and breath,
They love,
They lie,
These perfect,

 droplets ...

Of sound,
Can make you cry.

As they drip,

To the page 

From my bleeding heart,            
 a stain...
In the fibre,
Of page, 

So deep.

This leaking part of me,

I can not keep.

These wounds,
These words,
These sounds,
These perfect droplets of life,

Then,
Find themselves trapped,
Under surgical knife.

Those 

They,

They want to
Analyse,
Inspect,
Disect,                            
With out respect
And fail.

All they need do,

Is listen.

(C) spor

I do I do I do!

 I can almost see the fairies
  as they move from flower to leaf.
Then to their tiny houses
 not in the tree but underneath.
There is a flash of brilliant silver
 when sun beams hit a wing.
All around is quiet and peaceful
 a hushed lullaby they do sing.

(C) Spor

Inspired by photography by Siobhan Elvis Atkins.

Lost Boys

8 young boys
went of to war,
Their heads held high
As they left Belfast's shore

4 men returned,
Their heads to the floor
4 friends they lost
And so much more.

2 men stand slowly,
As a tear runs down each face,
They think of all he lost
And this their resting place.

1 French field looks empty,
But all is not as it seems,
As just beneath the surface
Lies boyhood shattered dreams.

©spor

The Constant Struggle

As the secondhand
Falls
From 12 to 6
So to do I
My mind fogs
My heart sinks
While my body
     Slowly
Crawls away to the nearest dark corner
In the emptiness
     I hide
Facing nothing but my own fears
The tortures of my mind
After I am done
     Exhausted fatigued
My eyes twitch
And my limbs jerk
With rapid convulsions
I show Myself
     My True self
Stripped bare of all pretence
The energy required to be Who you want
     GONE
I am what I appear to be Myself
     Broken
Then
Then I sleep
As the clock hands fight gravity
Scaling the rock face from 6 to 12
     I recharge
Clawing at every ounce of energy I can
With every breathe
     Until tomorrow...

Life pretending...

Through thoughts and fears,
Blood sweat and tears,
I struggle on.

No fight or flight response required,
No heads or tails,
No success without fails,
But I struggle on.

I have no choice,
No need to decide,
This is my life,
From which I hide,
Still,
still I struggle on!

©Spor

The light has gone

This eclipse
It never ends
The guiding beacon which one depends
Is lost
In the dark
The heart beats silent
And
Alone.

(C) Spor

Broken

There it lies
Motionless on the vintage vinyl
Like that old record player
It no longer works
At least not for you.

(c) Spor.